When I was 25 years old, I never imagined my 27 year old self would step out of my comfort zone and move to a new city. This is because when I was 25 years old, I was still struggling with disordered eating and body image issues. I was constantly obsessing over all things food related that I forgot to think about my career and the goals I had for my life. I didn’t have time to think about leaping into anything new.
My weekends were spent worrying about meal planning and cooking. My weekdays were spent worrying about meal timing and making sure I got exercise in at least five days a week. Eventually, my evenings were spent worrying about if I would have a binge episode or if I would successfully make it through the day without one.
What started out as paying more attention to the food I was putting into my body led to obsessing over every little thing I ate.
At first, I thought I was simply taking care of my overall health and wellness. I did not think (or maybe I just chose to not notice) that I had a problem until I started hiding my food and having binge episodes . Even though I was aware of the issues I needed to face, it took another year and a lot of courage to actually address them. I didn’t think anyone else would understand what I was going through. I thought I was the only person who had these issues.
I also thought everything I was facing was simply a will power issue and if I could just get it together around food, I would be okay. I didn’t realize my binges were happening both because I did not want to face unwanted emotions and also because my body was hungry.
I have always been a strong person and I thought I could get through this on my own. I also used to take pride in being a person who had it together 24/7. I did not like being broken and needing someone else’s help. But as I continue to grow, I realize more and more that it’s okay to not be okay all the time and sometimes you simply need another person’s help and guidance.
I’m so thankful that I took those small steps only a few years ago to start healing my relationship with food and my body. There is no shame in reaching out for help when you need it; think of how much you will learn and grow once you decide to take that leap.